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Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

ImageI’m sick of the media portraying 2013 as a degrading year for women in music. Blurred Lines and Miley Cyrus did not help “the cause” but we seem to have ignored the positive messages that came out of some of this year’s top tunes. Here are just a few of the powerful messages, sung by some very powerful women:

You can be amazing. You can turn a phrase into a weapon. (Sara Bareilles, Brave)

No one can hold me back. I ain’t got time for that. (Kelly Clarkson, Catch My Breath)

You can take my wings but I’m still gonna fly.  (Janelle Monae, Q.U.E.E.N.)

This girl is on fire. (Alicia Keys, Girl on Fire)

Crazy women are made by crazy men. (Brandy Clark, Crazy Women)

We’re bigger than we ever dreamed…Life is great, without a care. (Lorde, Royals)

I am the champion and you’re gonna hear me roar. (Katy Perry, Roar)

No time to quit now. Just time to get it now… you better work. (Britney Spears, Work Bitch)

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone. (Anna Kendrick, Cups)

You won’t me down on Earth, but I’m up in space… I DON’T CARE. (Icona Pop, I Love It)

And the thing we must never forget:

Anything can happen… (Ellie Goulding, Anything Can Happen)

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WARNING: Minor spoiler alert

I was so distraught last week, when I read an article about Kellan Lutz giving Kristin Stewart advice about being a vampire. I knew I should not have done it, and that I would be left feeling guilty afterwards, but I could not resist.

I do not feel guitly anymore. I have plenty of other horrible emotions to cope with now.

I have just finished reading Book I of “Breaking Dawn” and I feel like I just caught my (imaginary) husband cheating on me with a man: betrayed, confused and heartbroken.

I have one thing to ask Stephanie Meyer, above everything else: WTF?!

The beginning was lovely — sweet but heartbreaking, just as I expected. But then it morphed into this horrendeous piece of shit.

Be still my aching heart.

What would possess her to write something so fucking ridiculous?

I started Book II, hoping that, because it was about Jacob, it would be better.

WRONG.

Again, the potential was there but, I ended up feeling betrayed… again.

I closed the book after only 150 pages because I felt like I was going to cry. And not the way I cried after finishing “Eclipse,” because these were tears of frustration and disappointment.

I told my mom how I felt I had been cheated. She made me feel better, saying that she, too, had read books that she had been so excited about, only to be let down by the author and a total “WTF?!” moment.  She told me that sometimes, authors go awry, for one reason or another, and we just have to accept it and move on.

I pledged to begin reading “1984” immediately, but talked myself down from that ledge.

I guess I must be a masochist and enjoy pain, because I have every intention of continuing to read tonight.

Maybe, I am just a sad and lonely idiot, so easy to forgive the hurt and the mistakes, and unwilling to let go of something that clearly isn’t right for me anymore.

I am hoping things will have changed and that this slight deviation was caused by mere curiousity and not a need to totally transform from what I had originally gotten into bed with.

I can’t stand anymore heartbreak. I knew this relationship was ending, but I had decided to take it slow and to enjoy it, instead of rushing to its demise. But I did not expect this.

I am not sure if I will recover…

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I love being in love with books.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love reading but the feeling of being in love with a book is amazing.

My last passionate fling with pop culture was the “Buffy” series, and that broke my heart in a zillion tiny pices back in 1997.

After 10 long and painful years, the hole in my heart was slowly closing, having been filled with various books, television shows and movies.  My constant feeling of emptiness had almost completely subsided, but then I made the mistake of watching “Twilight” on one particularly boring Sunday afternoon with my Air Force roommate.

I anxiously waited for “New Moon,” and watched it again and again because it brought me 130 minutes of happiness and joy.  I waited and waited (and waited) with anticipation for “Eclipse” to arrive. But the acting was so shiteous, the high was not what I expected.

Like an addict visiting the Methadone clinic, this was helping, but I wanted the good stuff.

I really loved the story line, so I decided to buy the books and, after purchasing the entire hardcover, first edition set for just $50 (thank you, Amazon!), I found myself entraced with every word Stephanie Meyer’s wrote.

About three things I was absolutely positive: First, Spike and Angel had nothing on Edward. Second, there was a part of me–and I didn’t know how dominant that part might be–that thirsted for every page. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with the series.

That is why I was able to finish “Twilight” in three nights.  And now, I am aching to continue reading “New Moon.”  It consumes my thoughts during the day.  I have been able to shake the image of Kristen Stewart from my head (thankfully) and have since replaced myself in the role of Bella Swan.

What I have been lacking in the form of a real human relationship, I have found in the pages of these books.

But, just like my previous human relationships, this one is fleeting.  I know the end is coming, though I am not sure exactly when.

Instead of days or weeks or months, this amazing and all-consuming part of my life will end after 2,346 pages.

Knowing that this relationship is finite, I struggle with how quickly to proceed.

I want to spend every waking moment devouring each page, and every moment I am asleep, I hope to dream of it. But, if I read through them at the rate that I am, I will be left sad and alone in just a few short weeks.

My heart tells me to just keep going– to come home every day and read from dinner until I cannot keep my eyes open.  I need it, it tells me. How else can I feel so good? How else will I fill my dreams with such wonderful fantasy?

The worst part is, I truly have no idea what “Breaking Dawn” is about or what happens to Bella, Edward, Jacob and everyone else at the end.  I have thought of many possiblities, and I have a pretty good idea of what will happen, but I keep hoping for a big surprise that leaves me in a daze for days. (If you are wondering what I’m wondering, I am pretty sure Bella ends up a vampire and Jacob dies in some beautiful act of love [and stupidity] while trying to save her. I secretly hope this does not happen and Bella ends up staying human, because I would be insanely jealous of the ‘forever love’ that she and Edward would share.)

My mind tells me I have totally lost it.  It is just a book, well four. (Or five, if you count Meyer’s new novella, but that is a tricky mistress I am not sure I want to get into bed with.) Sure, I feel wonderful now and sure, it helps me fill the time during the week — but it will be over before I know it.

So, with the help of Goodreads (www.goodreads.com), I am already searching for a new relationship.  I am do not know if I will be able to find a perfect replacement, but I hope to find something that will help fill the void after I close the cover of “Breaking Dawn” for the last time.

Is that cheating or just good planning?

I am not even halfway through the series (at this very moment, I am only on page 189 of “New Moon”) and I am already looking. That is just like if I had only been out on date #4 and was already planning who I would be taking out to dinner next month.

I am not giving these books a fair chance.

I could end up completely fullfilled after I finish, having found the true love of my biblio-life and be satisfied to never truly love again.

Or, I could just know that, while this was a great and wonderful love, there will be others who, though they may not fill the void compeltely, will allow me enough happiness to move on and flourish.

Someday, the series will fade into a fond memory that, when my grandchildren ask me about those dusty old black books with strange pictures on the cover, I will say only good things about the torrid, 2,000 page affair.

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A little late, but I thought I’d post the playlist I made for my ridiculously long flight and subsequent bittersweet vacation in Hawaii…

Kissing – Bliss
Come Sail Away – Styx
Stay (Wasting Time) – Dave Matthews Band
Beautiful – Akon f. Colby O’Donis & Kardinal Offishall
Digital Love- Daft Punk
If We Ever Meet Again – Timbaland f. Katy Perry
Soak Up the Sun – Sheryl Crow
I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas
Forever – Chris Brown
Escape (The Pina Colada Song) – Rupert Holmes
All I Wanna Do – Sheryl Crow
Nothin on You – B.o.B f. Bruno Mars
Don’t Stop the Music – Rihanna
Send Me on My Way – Rusted Root
I Want to Break Free – Queen
Life is Wonderful – Jason Mraz
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic – The Police
Gimme More – Britney Spears
Haven’t Met You Yet – Michael Buble
Fantastic Voyage – Coolio
And She Said… – Lucas Prata
Save Tonight – Eagle Eye Cherry
Say Hey (I Love You) – Miachael Franti & Spearhead
Einstein on the Beach – Counting Crows
But U a Drink – T-Pain f. Young Joc
Hypnotize – Notorious B.I.G.
Outta My Head – Kylie Minogue
It’s Five O’Clock Somehwere – Alan Jackson
Fireflies – Owl City
Hot in Herre – Nelly
Forever Young – Alphaville
Sweat (A la la la Long) – Inner Circle
Sexy Lady – Young Berg
Say it Right – Nelly Furtado
Into the Night – Santana f. Chad Krueger
Shots – LMFAO and Lil Jon
The Great Escape – Boys Like Girls
Hey Baby – DJ Ortiz
Ching-a-Ling – Missy Elliott
My Chick Bad – Ludacris and Nicki Minaj
Hey, Soul Sister – Train
Kokomo – Beach Boys
Joy to the World – Three Dog Night
Stranded – Jennifer Paige
Tik Tok – Ke$ha
Island in the Sun – Weezer
(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To – Weezer
Rapture – Iio
Say Aah – Trey Songz f. Fabolous
Ooh La La – Goldfrapp
Wild World – Cat Stevens
Boys Boys Boys – Lady Gaga
Diva – Beyonce
All This Beauty – Cascada
Good Girls Go Bad – Cobra Starship f. Leighton Meister
Bubbly – Colbie Caillat
Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes – Jimmy Buffett
Here Comes Your Man – Meaghan Smith
Single Ladies – Beyonce
Rush – Aly & A.J.
She Wolf – Shakira
Break Your Heart – Taio Cruz f. Ludacris
Colorful – Rocco DeLuca f. the Burden
Lady – Styx
Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked – Cage the Elephant
Dancing in the Moonlight – Elvis Costello
Be OK – Ingrid Michaelson

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A door lay before me, in a row of many like it.

This one, though, was different;

it was unlocked.

And it was not by my own doing, but opened by another.

The door lay unlocked and accessible to me.

It seemed to be calling to me in a sweet and gentle tone.

But, my childish ways kept me from venturing any farther than where I was–

in front of a perfect, beautiful door and what happiness and wonder lay beyond it.

As I returned to the door, much later in life and in a more mature manner, I look to open it again.

Sadly, it is locked.

Another has already seized this golden opportunity.

I only wish I had turned the handle when I had the chance.

I hope that one day, this door,

or another like it

will unlock for me.

And this time,

I will open it.

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New article posted on BiggerThanMusic.com

Go check it out!!

Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours

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Love.
Love…
Love?
Love!
Love.

love [luhv]
–noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one’s neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.

The ancient Greeks and Romans had several different words for love .

The Japanese and Buddhists have two.

Love is not just a word or a feeling. Science has shown that our bodies actually respond to this affliction. Neurotransmitters respond, hormones are released, goosebumps, palpitations.

Love has been the Muse of writers for thousands of years.

Aristotle said that “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”

Virgil proclaimed that “love conquers all.”

According to Chinese proverb, “a heart that loves is always young.”

Shakespeare proclaimed his love of Love time and time again in his plays and poems.

Dr. Suess explains that one knows they are in love “when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

Well doc, I can never sleep, but I am pretty sure it has nothing to do with love.

Or does it?

I had every intention of writing about my desire to fall in love, but I sat here for about 45 minutes unable to type anything further.

A friend told me that before I start trying to figure out who my great love was, I needed to figure out who *I* was.

I am now watching the “Sex and the City” movie for the 90th time (and the second time tonight) and something Samantha says is sticking out:

“I’m gonna say the one thing you aren’t supposed to say. I love you…but I love me more. I’ve been in a relationship with myself for 49 years and that’s the one I need to work on.”

I do not think I have actually ever loved myself. Maybe when I was a kid. I have moments where I think I am f*cking awesome, but they never last and I always go back to thinking about how much I suck.

I have a penchant for dwelling on all of my failures, mistakes and wrongs.

I constantly compare my life to others who are doing better and that are happier (or seem happier) than I am.

So, the new question I find myself needing to answer:

How do I fall in love with myself?

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